"What did you have for dinner?” This is how many of the phone conversations between my daughter and my mom began when my daughter was about six or seven. She and my mom loved to talk on the phone together, and did so almost every night. The answers to that question weren't things like, “chicken” or “peas” or “spaghetti”. No, they had an unofficial contest going for the zaniest thing they could think of. But the things also had to be ordinary in some way. So when asked, “What did you have for dinner?” my mom would reply, “Oh, I had a light bulb. What did you have?” And daughter would reply, “I had a fan! What did you have?” They’d keep going back and forth, and I’d hear peals of laughter both in my home from my daughter and coming down the phone line from my mom. When I ask my daughter about this now (at age 18), she smiles as she remembers those conversations. She said she always picked household items, usually things that caught her eye: vacuum cleaner, table, book, etc.
When I think about the closeness of her relationship with my mom, I’m a tiny bit jealous. Not only has she got my mom, but my dad, her dad’s parents, and step grandparents on both sides who treat her like one of their own. This kid has grandparents all over the place, and is fortunate to spend time with all of them. Well, not all. Her Grandma Maden is in England and she’s only seen her three times. And with the others she doesn’t spend as much time these days as she did when she was younger. But she still has a relationship with them. And when she does spend time with them, I see her behave in a confident yet respectful way. You can see she values them.
In contrast, the only grandparent I can remember is my maternal grandma, Grandma McAfee, born Mary Catherine Maxine Knittle. My parents moved away from their home state of Pennsylvania in 1976 to Missouri, and that meant moving away from all family. I remember Grandma McAfee coming to stay with us when I was in high school. She worked with her hands; earned a living with them actually, sewing and knitting to bring in money after her husband (John McAfee), who fathered her eleven children abandoned her. Oh, did I mention she had eleven children? Yes, eleven. When she stayed with us those few months in high school I was too busy with my clubs, homework, friends, and school plays to spend much time with her. I regret this immensely now. It’s the one grandparent relationship I could have had and I let it slip through my fingers.
As for my dad’s parents, I didn’t know them. All I have of them are the stories my parents have shared. I wish I remembered my dad’s mom. I was a baby when she died. Actually, it was just a month or so after that photo above of us was taken. What I remember hearing about her is of the tea parties she used to have with my brothers. And I love hearing from my parents about the time Grandma Matcuk stayed with my brothers when my parents went to New York City for a weekend. My brother Jim had this night time ritual where he wanted my mom to stand at a certain position at the end of his bed to say goodnight. But Grandma Matcuk, born Cecilia Rita Delewski and of stout Polish stock wouldn’t stand for such nonsense. She tucked him in lovingly but without the fuss.
And there’s my dad’s dad, George Matcuk, who passed away before I was born. He came to the United States from Russia in 1912 when he was just 19. What I think of when I think of him is hearing about how my elder brother Jim took his first steps while Grandpa Matcuk was in the hospital. He had recently been diagnosed with a spot on his lung and after they performed a biopsy he went downhill. He died in the hospital a short time later, years before I was born.
I so wish I had memories like that of my grandparents. Can you grieve for a grandparent you never knew? Or are you grieving that you never knew? I’m not sure. I do know that looking at what my daughter has with her assorted grandparents, I feel thankful. She’s got several elders to share stories with her, dote on her, sing her praises, and mainly just be there for her. What a gift.
Do you have a special memory of a grandparent? Or maybe you’re fortunate and still have yours with you. If you do, treasure them.
1 comments:
Love this Sue.
I was so close to my grandmother, my Nanny. I have so many memories... I spent every summer of my life with them until I started college. My oldest daughter is named for my grandmother.
Thank you for reminding me to remember with a smile!
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